Alien in the style of The Canterbury Tales

The Aylien's Tale, by Geoffrey Chaucer

(Spoilours doth followe)

Parte One

Once there was a shippe that did fly through Heaven
With a cargoe of stonne and crew of seven
From sleep awoken and from their course waylaid
When their captain hearde a calle for aide.
They made port and set forth to explour
“It doth seeme legit” said their science officour.

They founde on the ground a spaceshippe sits
Made out of olde bones and someone’s privy bits.
Inside was a great fellowe sitting doun
Withered away like a skeletoun.

With a strange wounde in his cheste full wide
Liken he had burste open from the insyde.

In the shippe's holde they found a great store
Of huge egges, liken it was Eastour.
The saylor Cain looked into an egge's hearte
And a crabbe burst out quicker than a farte!
So his fellows bore him from that playce
With some kynde of creature stuck to his fayce.

The crabbe did die, and the danger past
They joyously took of their repast.
Yet curtailed harshly was that feaste
When from Cain’s belly burste a terrible beaste.

Not making merry

Parte the Second

The beaste slew yeoman Brett, and pulled him into the raftours

Then it took the captain, to eat him for aftours.

Of the seven spayce saylors it had slaughtered three,

Leaving Lambert, Parkour, Ashe, and Ripley.

Quoth Elleyn Ripley “Three of us are now slayed,

Science Officour Ashe, grant us your aid,

Or else I shall declare you are not what you seme.”

But then Ashe did smite her, and spewed clotted creme.

Then one of the crewe, the noble Parkour

Struck off the hedde of that mad scolour

Full amazed ware they all, and passing annoy’d

To finde Ashe to be a God-cursed androyd.

Parkour sedde, “He would have hadde us all killed

We have been betray’d by the God-damned guild.”

“Ashe,” speketh Ripley, “now thou art beheaded

Why to the aylien is thy loyalty wedded?”

Sedde Ashe “Thou cans’t not slay it, that is a surety.”

“Thou admirest it,” says Lambert. “Aye, its purity.”

Now but three remayne of the bold crewe of seven

Lambert, Parkour and Ripley (Elleyn).

"Alas, mine head doth ache."

Parte the Thirde

Said Ripley “Friends, although Ashe is beaten

We must flee this vessel, or we’ll be eaten.”

Said Parkour “We’ll loade up the boat and be going.

Then we’ll sinke the ship and take turns on the rowing.”

He went to the holde, for to fetch some provisions

But the aylien appeared and made grievous incisions.

Ripley heard Lambert cry out, and went to get her

But of Parkour and Lambert, the less said the bettour.

Ripley entered the boat, sailed away from the shippe

But in her bunk was the aylien, having a kip!

So dame Ripley did put on her special trowsours

Donned her spayce helmet and opened the doors.

She was secured: the aylien was notte

And it flew out the window like last nighte’s chamber pot.

At last she was safe, on her journey she went -

But in spayce no-one can hear thee lament.

And what is the moral? Of strange egges beware.

Thank ye for your time: lyke, commente or share.

"Behold my lucky star and begone!"